I bet you thought I was going to say communication right??
*BUZZER SOUND* WRONG!
It’s the big bad EGO. The wolf in sheep’s clothing. We all got one.
But why is the ego the bad guy you ask? We all NEED the ego right???
Wellllll. . . we USED to.
See millenia ago, this little thing called evolution helped us survive when we were tribal hunters and gathers just beginning to form tribes. Back in the day the strongest and the best in the tribe got the best food and the best mates.
So what does this have to do with relationships you ask?
Well as we have evolved, we are no longer in hunter gatherer tribe situations. And the ego actually developed to help us SURVIVE. The ego’s job was literally to make us believe that everything outside of us was a potential threat. It caused us to believe that we were separate from everything around us. (And not part of the ONE great Universe and Creator.
So fast forward to 2023 and the ego is still doing it’s job in the exact same way it had evolved to do. Keep us safe from threats. But what is considered a threat today is not a saber toothed tiger, but your partner’s habit of not consulting you before he makes plans with his buddies for the weekend.
So as a result you feel slighted. Hurt. He didn’t consult YOU after all. What an jerk! Doesn’t he care? If he LOVED you he surely would consider you before making plans without you. Maybe he doesn’t love you like you thought he did. Maybe you deserve someone who really treats you like a queen. Someone who MAKES you feel special and loved. . .
See where I’m going with this one?
The ego is the one doing this to you. And guess what it’s all lies. Ever last bit of it.
In actuality, NO ONE can actually hurt you OR save you for that matter. It’s all your interpretation of the situation causing you to suffer. When we feel things like guilt or feel slighted or like someone did something TO us, the ego immediately steps in to protect you by making you feel insulted and hurt to deflect the blame or makes you feel guilty so you don’t do it again. WHY you ask? To keep you from getting thrown out of the tribe where you no longer have access to the best food and mates. It’s all evolution baby.
But now you’re telling me. . .but wait a minute. sometimes people actually DO do things that hurt! What about murderers and rapists?
Stay with me on this one for a minute.
A Course In Miracles (if you aren’t familiar it’s a channeled work received in channeling sessions by a woman back in the 1970’s that is considered to be contemporary scripture from Jesus himself that literally described by those who have studied it’s principles as a direct “MAP OUT OF HELL”) says that:
“Nothing that is real can be threatened, and nothing unreal exits, Herein lies the peace of God.” -ACIM
So what does that mean exactly.
It means that only LOVE is real. Love is eternal. Nothing can destroy it. Everything else is an illusion. You are not separate from the Universe. You ARE the universe. You are separate from God. You ARE God. God is Love. Therefore your divine nature, the “I AM” presence within IS LOVE. You are not the body. You are Spirit. You are NOT the ego. You identify “I” as the ego but the ego is not who you are. The ego doesn’t go with you when you pass from this earth. Only your spirit does. The ego is a program of the mind. You are a perfect creation of love.
Yes we can experience physical pain. However, psychological suffering is a trick of the ego. And psychological suffering is a lie. It is fear generated by the ego attempting to convince us we are somehow separate from the divine perfection of unconditional love of God/The Universe/Source. Hence everything outside of us is seen as a threat. And when someone does something (like make plans without you) your ego perceives that as you being separate, not loved and a threat. Hence the reaction. You begin to see WHY people do things to hurt others. It’s all out of ego, and a belief that they are somehow separate.
When you learn to see the ego for what it really is. You tame it. Quiet it’s voice. Heal the wounds that made you believe that you are anything less that perfectly whole, loved and perfect. THEN you will know the peace of God.
And THEN. . .all your relationships will be seen in the light of unconditional love. Realizing that only hurt people, hurt people. But nothing REAL can be harmed.