Where should I even begin. . .my story is literally like a fairy tale come true. And the really cool thing is that you can have the same incredible love story for yourself. I know because it happened to me.
So let me digress and go back to the beginning.
All of my life I have been the “good girl”. The people pleaser. The perfectionist. The one who would do literally ANYTHING (except maybe steal or murder) that anyone asked of me. Even if I absolutely did NOT want to do it. The risk of having someone angry or upset with me was too much to bear. So I willing caved in. ALL-THE-TIME.
Work a double shift (even though I had already worked 70 hours that week) SURE! Happy to! No one else will right? I mean why would they. They all had boundaries they were happy to enforce. But not me! I just kept on saying “yes” to pretty much anything that was asked of me.
So what does this have to do with my soulmate you ask? Wellllll. . .the thing is, I had learned very early on in childhood that it was by far better to keep everyone around me happy. So therefore, I also learned that in order to receive love or validation from my family (my dad in particular), I had to acquiesce and do what I was told. Then I might get a smile or a pat on the head. But especially I wouldn’t be at the end of any screaming or yelling. Which just terrified me and gave me massive anxiety by the way (still kinda does).
So that little people pleasing girl starts to grow up. She starts dating guys just because her ‘friends’ boyfriends just so happen to ‘have a friend’ and “we should double date together” how fun! Not that I had any remote interest in that guy, but oh well. Better than being single I guess.
And so the pattern is established. My dating life through most of high school and college pretty much consisted of my being with people out of pressure, convenience, or lack of options. Very few of them were guys I actually was attracted to or even liked for that matter. My self-esteem was pretty much non-existent. I truly believed that I was so completely unattractive (a whole different childhood belief) that I had to pretty much settle for anyone who would take me. I found myself practically starving for love and validation from anyone who would give me a tiny scrap of it.
So needless to say, this morphed into a serious issue with people pleasing. Whomever I was dating at the time would mold me into what they wanted, and I would willingly be their play dough. I changed everything about myself from how much I weighed, to my hair color and style of clothes I wore. I learned to be quiet (you know because I talked to loudly or too much). I learned to do what I was asked. Because if I didn’t, god forbid, I might loose the relationship. And that relationship, in spite of it not being anything close to resembling a real healthy loving connection, was the only thing giving me any sort of sense of self-worth.
Fast forward to age 26. My parents are now breathing down my neck about hurrying up and getting married. My biological clock IS ticking after all. The theme I was consistently hearing sounded something like, “When was I going to settle down? What about this guy?? Why not him? He is established, has his own house, his own business. . .he’s a catch!” Ughhhh.
So being the good little people pleasing girl I am, the next guy I dated, I agreed to marry. The wedding was beautiful and I was mildly happy because, you know. . .at least I was wanted by someone. Then reality set in. Just about 3 months after the wedding the excitement faded away. What the F*CK did I just get myself into? I don’t really love this guy. I’m not even ATTRACTED to this guy. I’m screwed.
So rather than doing the NORMAL well adjusted mature thing and get an annulment. I stayed. Why you ask? Well geez, my parents had just shelled out ALL this money to pay for the wedding. I can’t have it be for nothing! Another Ughhhh moment. I was stuck. And I was too afraid to speak up or say anything to my parents let alone my new husband.
How long did I stay stuck in that marriage? TEN LONG YEARS!
Was it awful. No. He was more like a friend than a husband. He was funny. Made me laugh. Had redeemable qualities. But there was ZERO physical attraction on my part. Which made it extremely difficult getting in bed together at night I might add.
I had pretty much resigned myself to the fact that this was going to be my life.
Until one day, it hit me. And I mean it REALLY hit me. Like a ton of bricks. I was dying inside. I had been living my life for EVERYONE ELSE’S happiness but my own.
So I made a very brave decision. Knowing full well that I would be hurting my husband (who really isn’t a bad guy), hurting my children, my parents. I decided I had enough. I wanted out. I decided for ONCE in my life, I was going to follow my own heart and my own desires. And I filed for divorce.
Was it awful. YES. Did I survive. Also yes.
But the beautiful thing about acknowledging my own desires, is that amazing and wonderful things began to happen in my life as well.
I was alone. Without a relationship. S-I-N-G-L-E. Really for the first time in decades. And I had time to think. I mean REALLY think about what it was that I wanted for a change.
So I began to make a list.
I made a list of literally every single thing I wanted in a relationship. How he would treat me, how I would feel about him, how I would feel when we were together. I FELT it. I mean I really felt in the core of my being that THIS GUY, this one person was the one for me. And I KNEW he was out there. It was as if my soul was whispering to me, “YES GIRL! This is THE ONE!”.
So I hung onto my list. I daydreamed about my Mr. Perfect. I daydreamed A LOT.
And the funny thing is. . . I didn’t stress about meeting him. I just daydreamed about what it would be like when we were together. It never entered my mind to worry, or doubt. Because after all I was just sort of coming into my own awareness of actually having dreams and desires of my own.
So one night, I’m sitting at work. Working the night shift in the local ER, and I get this sudden urge for a Starbucks Carmel Macchiato. And I figure, hey I’m on my break, I’ll just drive up the road to the Starbucks and grab my coffee. It will be good to get out of the hospital for a while. So I did.
So I parked my SUV, got out and walked into the lobby. AND THERE HE WAS.
Of course I didn’t realize it immediately. But this super cute guy with the most INCREDIBLE green eyes (who also happened to just decide he wanted Starbucks at 2am) walked up to me and said hello. I was mesmerized. There was just something about him. He was just SO CUTE! And he was clearly nervous because he wouldn’t look at me directly into my eyes. He kept looking all around the lobby. It was very sweet. But it also gave me a really good chance to study his face. And I was hooked.
So Mr. Cute Coffee guy asks me out. And thus begins my fairy tale romance.
He’s charming, funny, kind, generous to a fault. He GETS me. And even better than that, he LIKES who I am. He likes me for just being me! And the very first time he asked if he could kiss me. . .well. Let’s just say that I’ll never forget that moment as long as I live. It was the perfect movie kiss. Tender, beautiful, perfect in every way. I still get chills just thinking about it. One perfect moment in time forever etched in my memory.
And I KNEW.
I knew right then and there when his lips touched mine. HE WAS THE ONE. I just knew it. I can’t explain how I knew, It was just an awareness. A knowingness. As if my soul whispered to his, “oh THERE you are! I’ve been looking for you!”
I knew I had met my soulmate. My ONE. My list.
So now, I can happily say nearly 15 years later, he is still my list. I’m ridiculously happy. And still madly in love. Of course we’ve had our ups and downs. But the beautiful thing is, we are growing together.
And after all, isn’t that what finding your soulmate is all about?
So the moral of this story is. . .Soulmates exist. You absolutely CAN manifest your most perfect person. And the Universe always finds a way. You simply have to believe it’s possible. And more importantly; that you are worthy of your dreams.
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